That man
by NarcolepticBard
Summary: His job was perfect, but his teammates annoyed the hell out of him. They were noisy and ugly, each and every one of them. Every single one except the last one. He knew the job of the Spy is to be sneaky and quiet, but their Spy was a hell of a handsome rogue. / Contains slash and reviews are welcome.
1. We are all new here

The room had its blinders closed, so there was only a desk lamp to light the two men who sat there. A large, muscular man showed a contract to the other one, who looked weaker than him. The second man read carefully all the lines in a low, whispering voice and answered all the questions. There were loads of them, but they were all important. The smaller man's future depended on them.

- Your life will be controlled by a thing called respawn. You will not age again and once you die in battle, you will reappear as before you started that battle: with full health and ammunition. - He read out loud and marked the "I agree" square. Once he signed the contract, he gave it back to the bigger man.  
- Well, it seems you are done here. My name is Saxton Hale, Mr. Mundy, and welcome to Mann Co.!- He shook his colossal hand with the new employee- from now on; you'll be recognized as the Sniper.

A short black-haired woman appeared. She adjusted her glasses and read her clipboard, with the entire Sniper's information. She glanced at both men.

- It's time for the new employee to take a look around the Mann Co. facilities. My name is Ms. Pauling and I'll guide you around. It's a pleasure to meet you, Sniper  
- Call me Mr. Mundy, if ya please. Sniper is only for my teammates.

The Sniper studied all the buildings and intelligence rooms, as well as good spots to snipe comfortably. Then he was introduced to Helen, the Administrator, the woman who will give him orders from now on. She gave him the keys to his room in the Mann Co. Residence, his new home.

- Oi, I have my camping van, I can sleep there!  
- We require you to stay in the residence as we need to control all the mercenaries' movements and behavior. - She insisted, and Sniper had nothing else but obey her. He wanted to be an assassin since he was young and used to burn ants with a lens in his yard back in Australia. Now he had the job of his life, he will struggle to preserve it.

His parents, though, didn't like their son's decision. They wanted him to be a doctor or a lawyer, to have studies, not to kill people. The Sniper wanted to tell them about his new job, but he didn't find the way and the moment to do it. They will be disappointed, specially his dad. Since he pushed him to be a doctor, Mundy grew an aversion to doctors. He hated them with a passion and he prefers to die to be touched by one of these sawbones. Someone took him away from his trip. It was a short stout man, wearing a hard hat and goggles. He saluted with a gloved hand and a smile on his face.

- Howdy, partner! I am the Engineer, and I am the one who deals with machines and practical problems. You will now be introduced to the respawn system, are you ready to start?  
- I'm sure Mann Co. will pay the side effects of this, right?  
- Don't worry, buddy. I got everything under control. You just have to introduce this punch card in there. You got it?

The Sniper had closed his eyes before he was getting used to the function of the respawn. Once he opened them again, he saw the Engineer with a shotgun.

- Now I will have to kill you to make sure it worked.  
- Oi, oi! What are ya doin'!? Put that down!

Too late. The shorter man had shot him on his forehead. Blood started to drip and Sniper could feel the pain, and also that he was dying. But he didn't die at all: he appeared after 10 seconds in the respawn room with the other teammates, who welcomed him. A young man sprinted to him and shook his hand so fast that the Sniper couldn't see both hands.  
- Hey! I am the Scout here! Are you a noob!?  
- Cut out the "noob" thing. We are all new here so let's do our best.- Engineer appeared as well in the respawn room.  
- Aww, I was joking. Man, nobody here can take a joke!? You all suck!

Someone else entered to the respawn room shouting. He was wearing a helmet which covered his eyes and a rocket launcher. His roars echoed inside the room.

- Go go go, you goddamn pansies! We're here to fight! Not to gossip like ladies!

And then he started to shoot his feet and rocket jump inside the room, only for leaving after a few seconds. Sniper couldn't believe these kind of insane people existed, or maybe he was taking his job too seriously.

- Don't mind the Soldier; he was too busy killing Poles after WWII that somebody had to tell him the war ended a few years ago. He's a bit dumb and nobody really listens to him.  
- Ya better keep that darn mate away from me.

The battle wasn't too bad for being his first one. He also noticed that the other team had another clone of him, but the Engineer told him that it was another of the respawn functions. He finally found his perfect spot on a balcony. From there, he could easily headshot Medics or enemy Snipers. It was there when he discovered that sniping was the perfect job for him. He even learned the professionals' standards: be polite, be efficient and have a plan to kill everyone you meet. But his happiness didn't last very longer.

It was an enemy Spy. That snake managed to sneak in his place and attempted to backstab him, but Sniper noticed him in time. He took out his bushwhack and finished him in time, but he was badly injured. He was told that when he had serious injures, he should call for a Medic. Well, he didn't have medical kits around so it was his only way. Then he remembered the words of his father and his urge to make his son a doctor, and also the doctor aversion he grew. But there was no time for memories and traumas. He called for a Medic but nobody came to heal him. He took a look on the Medic and discovered him healing the Soldier. The anger the Sniper felt couldn't be described so he decided to head for a medical kit. On his way there, he was killed by an enemy Scout. That damn little motherfucker... but he was angrier with Medic than anyone else in the team.

Once he respawned, he saw the Medic preparing the Heavy to become bulletproof and go to the front lines. Sniper cracked his knuckles and ran to the doctor, shouting.

- Oi, ya! I was bleedin' to death and ya didn't come and help me ya goddamn nurse!  
- Vhat are you telling me!? Zhere are more people in zhe battlefield who need my help more than you vhile being under fire.  
- I got the perfect position and a way to kill enemies!  
- Entschuldigung, but you should camp near a medic kit.

The Australian man couldn't take it anymore and proceeded to punch the doctor across his face. He even broke his glasses. The Heavy noticed it and ran to the Sniper, grabbing him from his vest.

- Leetle man touch Doktor like that again and Heavy crush you.

Sniper ran away from the respawn room. What the hell was wrong with that lardass? He went back to his business but this time he managed to find a better place near a medic kit and ammunition. The time ran fast and the BLUs, their team, won. Everybody was celebrating their victory on their way to the showers, even the black guy with an eyepatch who everybody called Demoman was already drinking. Sniper didn't like showers, and the fact that he won't be taking care of his hygiene alone made it worse. He waited until everybody was in bed to go back to the showers and allowed some hot water to run over him and relax.

Sniper usually didn't take his time to use soap, so his natural odor was quite wild and everybody noticed that. He always thought that some water would do fine. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the hot stream on his face. The door closing sound made him come back to reality: there was somebody else in there. He was about to grab a towel and cover himself when the unknown man entered the showers. He was their Spy, all already suited up except for his jacket. He said in sort of mocking tone.

- Oh lá, lá... I was hoping to shower alone as always and all I find is the Australian bushman showing around his alligator.  
- What!? No! Why weren't ya showerin' with the other ones!?  
- And reveal them my face under the balaclava? Non, I prefer to be a mystery. Spies are always a mystery.

He always knew that there was no need of showering, and this encounter made it worse. He quickly went to grab his towel but the Frenchman took it before him as a taunt.

- Gimme that, ya mongrel!  
- Ooh please... Stop whining over a towel. This is immature and not a proper behavior of a gentleman.  
- Then give it back, I'm done.

Spy sighed and gave the towel back to him. Then he proceeded to undo his tie and shirt and Sniper rushed to get away from there. This was perfect for the Frenchman, since he waited until he was gone to take off his balaclava. Sniper entered his room and dropped himself on bed. His job was perfect, but his teammates annoyed the hell out of him. They were noisy and ugly, each and every one of them. Every single one of them except the last one. He knew the job of the Spy is to be sneaky and quiet, but their Spy was a hell of a handsome rogue. At least for his voice and that annoying French accent, which was somehow attractive? Bah, poppycock. He put on his boxers and tucked himself in.


	2. Getting to know eachother

The next day they were woken up by Soldier's wild screams. Sniper was one of the first ones to come down to the kitchen and see what's for breakfast. There was a chubby figure dressed in a chemical suit and wearing a gas mask and a cook hat. He seemed creepy at first but he was rather friendly. He gave him some pancakes and poured some coffee for him. How nice of him. Soon, the rest of the teammates started to enter. The first one was Scout, wearing comic book pajamas, and sat next to Sniper.

- Nice night, eh? I've dreamed 'bout that hottie, ms Pauling. She's a totes cutie, rite?

- Nah, not interested. Thanks mate.

Following the Scout, Demoman came in with a massive hangover. He preferred to sit down and don't eat anything at all. Engineer and Soldier came together, laughing about the fact the Soldier tried to wake Engineer up but he tripped with some sentry parts and fell down. Then a dispenser fell over him, and a half-made sentry. Soldier wasn't laughing about it, he was laughing at Engineer's laugh. Heavy and Medic came in together as well. Both of them seemed to have developed some sort of bromance. And the final one was the Spy, who took out a cigarette out of his disguise kit and began to smoke before sitting next to the Sniper.

- Bonjour, "mate". Did you forget about me? You better remember me, you'll be screaming my name very soon.

The Sniper glared at him. What the hell was that? He brushed it off and didn't pay attention to him anymore. Today's duty was a payload race, which seemed easy. Well, it should be. What could go wrong? Eventually, it didn't come out well: the REDs were almost done and BLUs had only the Medic pushing the cart by himself (while the others were too busy killing eachother). Sniper saw it everything while scoped. His team was useless and unable to push a shitty cart. He was too busy looking for the enemy Sniper and reducing the enemy Heavy-Medic combo while he noticed the Spy backstabbing all his objectives. Well, now he hasn't got business to deal with anymore. He decided to leave his place and help the friendly Medic push the cart.

The Medic was in a very low health and managed to survive with the cart's health supply and his own regeneration. When he saw the Sniper, he thought he was going to be injured again and called for Heavy, without luck. Sniper stood next to him and pushed the cart.

- Look nurse, I didn't mean to hurt ya. I hate doctors, that's all.  
- Don't vorry, it's done now. Now I require assistance pushing this cart!

While doing their business, they managed to get along and know eachother. The Medic told him that Heavy was his first friend here and it hasn't been two days and they were already like "bros". Good for him, indeed, but Sniper hadn't met anyone who felt comfortable with. This time the REDs won, but the Australian finally find someone to chat with. Today was revision day. They had to wait on a line in the Hospital for hours until the Medic had them all examined. The Heavy took too much and Sniper fell asleep, only to find some marker doddles drawn on his face when he woke up. And there was his turn. He was pretty healthy, maybe he should use soap from now on.

It was shower time again and the Sniper waited until everybody else was done to get in. While showering, he could hear his teammates.

- All salute the freedom boxers!- Started the Soldier, who apparently was wearing some underwear with the USA flag on it.  
- Mister, not everybody here is American. Heavy is from Russia and the Medic...- tried to explain the Engineer but failing miserably.  
- But from the first moment they stepped on Teufort, they are Americans. Maggot.

He could hear the Demoman laughing as well as the Medic complaining about Scout making fun of his grandpa underwear. He ignored them all and stayed in until everybody was in their rooms. He was about to leave when he noticed a piece of soap. Well, everybody pointed out his horrendous body odor so he gave it a try. It was a pretty cheap soap which didn't leave a strong flowery scent, unlike the others. Sniper liked it and he apologized about not returning it to its owner. Surprisingly, he didn't see the Spy. Better for him.

Once he was in bed and about to fall asleep, he heard some horrible noises coming from Heavy's room. It was like a loud repeated thud, as well as some chirping. He didn't pay much attention until he finally knew it. He remembered Medic saying that he and Heavy had a very "strong friendship". He hoped Heavy's bed was as strong as his relationship with the Medic. He closed his eyes again but then, another noise woke him up.


	3. Handsome Rogue

The noise came from the shower. Someone was in there, singing with a sweet baritone voice some song in French:

_Non, rien de rien  
Non, je ne regrette rien  
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait, ni le mal  
Tout ça m'est bien égal _

"It must be him" thought the Sniper. He got up and put on his slippers in order to end the nuisance. As he walked upstairs, the singing became louder. He wondered how the Engineer and Demoman could sleep with that spook offering such a concert.

_Non, rien de rien  
Non, je ne regrette rien  
C'est payé, balayé, oublié  
Je me fous du passé_

_Avec mes souvenirs  
J'ai allumé le feu  
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs _

"Oh, ya sure will regret that you mongrel" whispered the Sniper as he opened the door to the showers and snuck in. There it was, the Spy's suit resting on a bench. He had all his clothing there, even the balaclava. The Australian was about to steal it when he heard the water stop and the singing ceasing to only a hum. He decided to get out of there before the French went to dress up. He ran back to his room and tucked himself in until he noticed a small beam of light coming out from the wall. It was a small hole, maybe carved by a bullet, and it revealed the other side of the wall. And there it was, Spy's room.

The Frenchman was undressing himself for bed and he took out a silk robe out of his wardrobe. Sniper didn't want to continue looking, but somehow he didn't get out of there. Spy proceeded to take off his underwear and balaclava to reveal a perfect body. He was slim and pretty well build, and well endowed as well. Sniper asked himself what the hell was he doing, spying on him like that. But as much as he wanted, he couldn't leave the hole.

Spy turned on his heels to the wall where the hole was and the Australian could see his full face. He had a slightly tan where the balaclava didn't cover, some stubble and his black hair, which was a bit longer than Sniper's, all slicked back. He was INDEED handsome, so handsome the Sniper was slightly impressed. He didn't even think of dating any men, but he'd make an exception if asked. What he was even thinking about? Better go back to bed before he develops any voyeurism fetish.

The next morning, everything went as usual: Soldier's screams, burnt breakfast, watery coffee, Scout hogging all the toasts, Demoman with a massive hangover... so, as usual except when Spy entered the room. Nobody payed attention to him except Sniper, who was trying to avoid eye-contact with him. Unfortunately, he sat next to him.

- Bonjour, monsieur Mundy. I see you had quite fun yesterday.

What? How could him notice the hole?

- I accidentally shot my revolver and the bullet carved a hole to the wall. I was wondering when will you finally stick your nose in.  
- Oi, I never did that. Maybe in yar dreams.  
- I felt observed. And when I feel like that, it's always true.  
Sniper froze, but soon he didn't care anymore. He just ignored him for the rest of the breakfast. Well, unsuccessfully, because he could glance at him eating a croissant with a piece of chocolate in a very arousing way. Sniper took a toast and save it for later, he wasn't hungry anymore. Once he climbed up to his spot, the battle began.

This time it was about capping more control points than the other team. He had a really good time doing headshots to the ones who stood still on the control point. He had the best job in the world. Once the enemy discovered his place, he moved close to Engineer. The laborer saluted him with a grin and patted his sentry.

- Howdy. Enjoyin' your job?  
- Pretty much. Nice gun over there.  
- Thanks! I designed and build that! See how it works- said the Engineer as the sentry shot a passing enemy Scout.  
- Good job, mate- Sniper focused again on the battlefield. It was pretty much a mess, but it wasn't an issue. The REDs won this time thanks for a strategically-placed sentry and everybody blamed Spy for not sapping it.

And talking about the Spy, nobody saw him during the battle. Sniper didn't care about the Spy, but he will lie if he said he wasn't curious about it. He waited until everybody was done showering to sit in there and wait for the rogue. He appeared quite messy and with a smile on his face.

- Were you waiting for me, bushman?  
- What? First, quit that nickname. Second, where the bloody hell were ya!?  
- Oh, I just met the enemy Spy. He's a gentleman, a true one. We bonded for a while.  
- Did you just get laid with the enemy!?- Sniper was quite shocked.  
- Non, of course. I don't get laid unless I'm in love.

Sniper always thought the French liked to flirt and have a lot of sex, but the Spy was the first one who said he preferred _faire l'amour_. The Frenchman broke the silence again.

- But I also enjoy a good wank.  
- Ya wanka...  
- Oh oui, but I assume my sexual life is not of your business.

What? It was him who started talking about sex and started making the Sniper feeling uncomfortable. First, the sightings of the naked man, now this small perv talk. Mundy had enough and left: no shower for him today. Not in front of that wanker.


	4. Ceasefire

The Australian man sat on his bed, with his face buried on his palms. He didn't see any light coming out from the Spy's room, maybe he was already asleep or something. Well, it was late and he didn't know how much he spent swimming in his thoughts. He started to unbutton his shirt and prepare to go to sleep. But he wasn't alone at all.

The Spy had come from the shower and he guided himself in the dark. There was a small beam of light coming from the hole on the wall. The Frenchman decided to peek on it and he saw that Sniper left his night lamp on. The Australian was taking off his shirt at the moment. Unlike Saxton Hale, he was less fit and hairy. But Spy found him really attractive, despite his poor hygienic condition. He looked wild and salvaged, which was really turning on the Frenchman. As Sniper started undoing his pants, the Spy licked his lips in delight. He liked what he was seeing, actually he loved it. He started to touch himself when the Sniper was fully naked, letting out small sighs and whines. He felt like a voyeur, but he didn't care. This man in front of him was challenging: he observed him during the battles, being professional... and now he had the chance to observe him in his intimacy. He will have him, soon or late.

The mercenaries were given a break and they thought about having a barbecue. Engineer knew about an abandoned farm nearby and offered to move them there and have a good time. Mann Co lent them a big van to fit them all, although they were a bit squeezed. They spent the trip singing, laughing and joking around, but everything was fun and games until the Engineer got tired of driving.

-Alright partners, I need someone to drive while I'm havin' a rest.  
- Wunderbar! I just lost my driving license but don't vorry! I'll drive!- said the Medic. Everybody managed to get off the van and attempted to run away but Engineer didn't lend them.  
- There's nothin' wrong with letting Medic drive.  
- Did ya know I'm too young and sexy to die!?- whined the Scout, but everybody shut up when the Heavy glared at them.

- Doktor drives good. Tiny men should let him drive.  
- Danke Heavy- the Medic sat on the driver seat and turned on the van.

The rest of the team was terrified. Soldier ranted about everyone being a bunch of coward girls and that he wasn't afraid of being driven around by Medic. Sniper thought the German was going too fast and he didn't even care about the rest of the road. Then they saw red and blue lights behind them: the police. Medic sighed cursed in German, he stopped the van and turned to his teammates.

- Gut, now smile like nothing happened, ja? Everyzhing is OK, nozhing happens!  
- How d'ya expect us to smile while bein' arrested!?- the Scout was hiding behind the Pyro, who was just sitting there reading comics. Two policemen asked Medic to open the window.  
- You just exceeded the speed limit, can we see your papers?

The Medic gave them a small talk in German and the two policemen were a bit confused. They looked at the rest of the team, who was trying their best to just smile at them and act like if nothing happened. They finally left and everybody let out a big deep sigh. Sniper decided that he will drive this time and everybody agreed. Everybody, except Medic.

They had to stop at a gas station to get supplies and use the bathroom. Spy was sitting outside, smoking and Sniper sat next to him.

- Do ya have a cig?  
- I thought you didn't smoke.  
- I smoke when I feel like smokin'.

The Frenchman handed him a cigarette and lit it for him. There was a long uncomfortable silence between them and finally the Spy broke it.

- I saw you yesterday on your room. You have a nice body.- Sniper coughed violently as he glared at him. He knew it! He knew that at any moment, the Spy will spy on him! But he had to admit that he liked the compliment.- I saw light on your room and...  
- Ya don't have to continue. I know what happened. I heard ya.  
- Oh, come on, how? I'm quite silent when I give myself a little pleasure.  
- Ya did WHAT!?

Spy laughed and threw the cigarette away, getting in the van and preparing to rest for a bit. The rest of the team arrived with drinks and some snacks. Demoman insisted on buying even more alcohol. They were driving in silence during 30 minutes until the Sniper finally noticed.

- Where's Scout?

Back to the gas station, Scout was sitting in there slightly pissed. Sniper drove the van back to the gas station, running at the speed of light. When they saw the Bostonian, he managed to run to them and hop in in a perfect jump.

- Did ya look at dis!? I'm a freakin' blur here!  
- Nobody saw that, maggot. And try to not get lost again.- said the Soldier, who had the Engineer sleeping on his shoulder- and shut your mouth. If you wake him up I will send my boot to your momma with your ass around it.

They finally arrived to the place: a very large corn field with a few trees and some abandoned farms. It looked a bit like Harvest, to be honest, but without control points. They set up the camping tables and the barbecue and they began preparing the food and setting up the table. Pyro wanted to cook for everyone, but they decided to have someone else supervising him in case he had the intention to burn everything. Demoman and Engineer sat next to him and gave him instructions.

- Demo no, grilled ribs don't need alcohol!  
- It will only be a bit a Scrumpy! Me mother always made them like that!

- Hudduh!  
- Yeah, we're sorry, Pyro. It's your cookin', not ours.- Engineer patted Pyro's shoulder and let him mess around with the barbecue. The three of them managed to not burn anything and the grilled meat came out pretty well.

Meanwhile, Sniper was setting up the table with plastic dishes. He glanced inside the van, where Spy was still having a nap. When everybody was ready, he approached the Frenchman to wake him up. He thought about kicking him out of the van but he decided to do it in a softer way. He slapped and shook him until he woke up a bit moody: "Wake up ya bloody spook. Lunchtime". Everything went as planned: no incidents, no burnt food, nobody fighting over a sausage... They even drank all of the alcohol and they ended up a bit happy. Sniper felt a bit dizzy and dropped himself next to a tree to rest. He could handle alcohol perfectly, but that day he drank a bit too much. He closed his eyes and protected them from the afternoon sun with his hat. Someone dropped himself next to him: it was the Spy again. It seemed like he was chasing him somehow.

- Are you feeling well, bushman?  
- Piss off ya mongrel.  
- Oh please, I was being nice to you.- the Spy kneeled in front of him- your face is quite white.

The Sniper didn't even move to look at him. He only wanted to be alone and let the dizziness drift away. "No, I don't feel well, now go away" he muttered, feeling a lump on his throat and cold sweat going down his face until he passed out. He remained unconscious for a long time and when he woke up, the Spy was still there, fanning him with his hat.

- You passed out. I tried calling for Medic but it turns out he's wasted. Do you need something?  
- A jar.

The Spy walked away and he didn't come back. He knew perfectly what he was asking for and no, it's disgusting and he'll never touch one of these. The Australian had to wait until he felt better to go. He wondered why the French stayed with him; it's not like they're friends or something. He returned with the rest of the Team, who were preparing to leave. Well, Engineer and Pyro, the only ones who didn't drink, were putting everybody inside the van. They went back home and put everyone to bed: the hangover will be severe next day.


	5. Mistakes happen

And it really went that way. Nobody payed attention to the mission that day, which consisted in owning a control point longer than the other team. The REDs went in rage and started camping in front of the BLU respawn, killing everyone who dared to get out of it. It wasn't fun, and Sniper decided to change position to snipe them all and free his mates. But he was getting ready to leave his spot, he felt observed somehow. An invisible force pushed him against the wall and he wasn't able to move. Soon, a figure appeared: their Spy. He was smiling like mad, which made the Australian feel uncomfortable.

- What d'ya want, wanka!?  
- I've been observing you, Mundy. You are repulsive, wild and nasty, and that turns me on. So much that I want you for myself. I want to take you here and now.- he said, whispering into the Sniper's ear. Then, he proceeded to press himself against him and the Sniper managed to struggle and let himself go, but there was no result. He tried pushing him but Spy didn't budge- come on, mon ami, I won't harm you.

Sniper could feel Spy's manliness pressing against his, both slightly hardened. The Australian bit his lower lip and struggled again, but this time in a mixture of hate and desire. Spy's soft voice in his ear didn't help at all, it turned him on even more instead. The Frenchman lowered a hand and started caressing his erection over his pants, only for undoing them in a few seconds. The harassment didn't last any longer, since the Australian perfectly crushed Spy's crotch with his knee and managed to scape to the respawn room, where he found Engineer chatting with Pyro.

- What happened, partner? Your face is completely red.  
- Nah, that's nothin'.  
- Mmmh  
- Nah, really, nothin'- he sat on a bench, near to the corner- I'll be sleepin'. The others are campin' the REDs respawn and there's nothin' I can do about it.

Much to the RED's disappointment, the BLUs won this time. There were complains, of course, but the Announcer told them to stop being a disgrace to Mann Co. and keep fighting. Since he preferred to avoid Spy for the rest of the day, he decided to shower with his teammates. That was creepy, really creepy, and he didn't want to look at the Frenchman's face for a while.

The showers were a total mess: Demoman and Soldier were fighting over a shower, only because that one had warmer water; Engineer trying to keep the order, Heavy and Medic sharing absolutely everything, Scout showing off his non-existent muscles and bugging Sniper to look at them:

- Wou'd ya look at dis!? These're beautiful!  
- I don't want to see anything. Piss off.

And Pyro. Pyro just walked in, took off his suit, sprayed some water and soap, washed it and walked away, everything without taking off his mask. The Australian wondered if he ever washed his hair, if he had any. Engineer confirmed to be the only one who saw him without his mask, but he refused to tell us because he didn't want to harm Pyro's feelings. Sniper left a few minutes after the arsonist and decided to help him cook. He thought that if he stayed in his room, Spy would be watching him again through the hole. Before joining Pyro in the kitchen, he placed a poster over the hole so he won't feel molested anymore.

And there the firebug was, staring at an open fridge. Sniper decided to teach him how to make the traditional Australian meat pie, just like his mother used to make back in his homeland. Nobody except Engineer ever talked to Pyro, maybe because they're scared of him and all his mysteries and Sniper thought that it would be a nice form of bonding. He gave Pyro's shoulder a small pat to get his attention.

- Okay mate, d'ya know how to make meat pie? I can teach ya if ya want.- Pyro nodded happily and fetched the food Sniper told him- so we have the beef, steak, onions... yeah, that seems about right.

Sniper left Pyro with the shell and he began doing the filling and the gravy. The result was successful, maybe a bit misshapen and slightly burned at the tips but it tasted delicious. Even if nobody could see his face, Sniper noticed Pyro was happy. Engineer thanked him for taking care of his friend. Everybody was waiting in the dining room, with the table already set. The dinner went as always and when they finished, Sniper offered to wash the dishes with Soldier and Demoman. He didn't really want to, but the only thing he absolutely didn't want to do is to see Spy. The Frenchman just sat on the couch, smoking and watching the huge argument between Heavy, Pyro and Scout over the TV remote.

- Mmmmhhmmfff!  
- No way I'm watching Bambi you moron! Are you like, brain damaged or a 5-year old?  
- Leetle Scout doesn't let Heavy watch Russian film and Heavy crush.  
- No way! Your movies suck! Today there's a special lingerie show on 2fortTV that I want to watch.  
- I assume Scout should watch a movie according to his age so let's leave Bambi on TV.  
- SHUT UP FRENCHIE.

Everything was OK for the moment in the living room, but in the kitchen, Soldier broke another set of plates.

- Demoman did it!- the only thing he said, even if Demoman was too far away from them.  
- Nah! I didn't broke yer plates, maybe you are stoopid and useless!  
- Don't talk me back, private!  
- Get along you lil' doggies- Engineer was the only one who put everything in order. He sent both mercenaries back to the living room and continued with their dish washing- sorry if they were a bother, mister. I have to thank you for taking care of Pyro.  
- Nah, that was nothin'. I'm done here.

He went back to the living room, stole the remote and set the TV to a random cooking channel to make them stop fighting. Since it was selected randomly, nobody complained. Soon they started to leave to their rooms and Sniper and Spy were left alone in the living room. The Australian was about to leave when the French spoke:

- You haven't said me anything today.  
- Did ya really expect me to speak to you after what happened?  
- What happened?- oh no, he was being sarcastic. This angered the Sniper even more. He stood with his arms crossed in front of the French and growled  
- So ya started molestin' me, harrasin' me and sayin' sexual innuendos and almost raped me and you now ask what happen'd!?- the Spy's eyes went wide, like he didn't have any idea of anything at all. In fact, he hadn't got an idea about that. He stood up as well and looked deeply into Sniper's eyes.  
- I promise over everything I love that I didn't do that. I was inside the respawn with the rest of our team after being caught by their Pyro. Are you sure it wasn't me but the enemy Spy disguised as me?

Sniper went white, then changed to a bright red and hid his face on his hands. Spy sat closer to him and patted his back. The Australian man cursed himself for making such a noob mistake. He was shaking in anger and thirst of vengeance. The Frenchman tried comforting him but there was nothing he could do. He kneeled in front of him, took his jaw carefully and made him look into his eyes. Then, the Spy backed a few steps, pulled out his disguise kit and started a small crab dance, opening and closing the kit as if it was a claw and doing the same thing with his free hand. Sniper looked at him and smiled a bit.

- Sorry if I judged ya.  
- Mistakes happen. Also, how impolite of him: that's not the proper way to treat your future mate.  
- He's not my mate, and you aren't neither.  
- It's a figure of speech. I prefer to seduce my partner- he got closer to his ear- whispering sweet things into my lover's ear, telling how pretty and perfect they are- Spy wrapped his arm over Sniper's shoulders- making them feel comfortable...- he stood and lead the Sniper to the dining table- taking them to expensive restaurants and staying up late having long walks in the beach or downtown... I'm a professional de l'amour.

Sniper noticed he was blushing like crazy. He wasn't much of a romantic person, but all this explanation with actions and everything was just...astonishing. Spy picked up his jacket and went to his bedroom and he did the same. Once there, he took away the poster over the hole and spoke to it.

- Spoi? Ya still awake?  
- Oui, pour?  
- G'nite.  
- Bonne nuit, mon amie.


	6. An evil plan

The next day, Spy spent all the battle against the REDs covering Sniper's back from his enemy counterpart. The Australian man told him to go back to the battlements but he other one insisted. They started a sort of rivalry-friendship as the days passed by, but it wasn't going much further. One day, Soldier told his teammates except the two support classes to wait in the living room instead of going to their rooms after shower. He knew that the Sniper and the Spy never joined them to their hygienic duties, so he took the opportunity to reunite the team during their shower time. Everybody was on their sleepwear or other comfortable home clothing except for Pyro, who was still wearing his mask even if he was wearing a one piece pajama. Soldier was standing in front of the fireplace and stared at his teammates.

- You know two of us have a very strong relationship.  
- Doktor and Heavy not noisy anymore! We moved to Doktor's room to play!- Heavy cut him, referring to his intimating moments with Medic.  
- I was talking about sheila and the crouton, commie! And I lived better when I didn't know about that!  
- Get along ya lil' doggies. Will y'all let the mister finish?- Engineer tried to not to begin a huge argument- Sniper and Spy must not know about this reunion so better be silent.  
- So that means I can continue- Soldier cleared his throat- so Scout and I noticed they have a very STRONG relationship.  
- Sexual tension- corrected Scout.  
- Affirmative, too much sexual tension between them, and I thought...  
- We.- Scout cut him again.  
- WE thought about making it stop. We're going to plan a date for them.  
- I had the idea, so ya better thank me fer that!- Scout pointed to himself, so proud of his imagination.

The rest of the team were silent. A team full of deadly mercenaries planning a date for two of them? What are they? High school gossip club? No, definitely not, and Medic was the first to complain.

- I'm not doing zhis! I'm a serious man of science!  
- Said the one who was chokin' on the Bolshevik's "Sasha" last nite! Heheh- Demo laughed as he was doing a blowjob gesture.  
- SHUT YOUR MAGGOT ASS UP AND LISTEN, LADIES!- barked Soldier- we're going to trick them to be alone in somewhere, maybe a sissy restaurant or any other faggot places Spy likes and we're going to stalk them in order to make it everything go as planned! But we have to hide somehow!  
- So I stole all these girl clothin' an' stuff for us!- Scout placed two boxes full of female attires- all sizes and colors! Pick up your best!  
- Woowee, would you look at that!- Engineer picked up a long blond wig, but Soldier forced him to put it back.  
- You have dishonored this entire unit with that!- Soldier glared at Scout- I'm not wearing this lady attire!  
- Then what?- Scout watched Soldier leave the living room and return with his robot costume- this is a freakin' embarrassment. And they will know it's you, dumbass.  
- Beep boop, I am not Soldier, I am a robot- Soldier made some shuffling non-robotic sounds, then he realized that it was true, they'll recognize him  
- Do I really have to put me makeup for this?- asked Demoman when he saw a box full of lipstick, eyeliner, mascara and eyeshadow.  
- I suppose we have to look feminine so I think so.- Engineer picked up a bright red lipstick and examined it- but what about Pyro?  
- He just takes off his mask and everybody happy- suggested Medic, but Pyro shook his head to hard he got dizzy- zhen vhat!?  
- Pyro can stay at home. But mister, how are we going to trick them to get together in a restaurant?  
- You're Snipes' friend right?- asked Scout to Engineer.  
- Yeah.  
- Then ya tell'im t'go out with ya since it's... I don't know... your 47th birthday?  
- Nah, I'll just tell him. And I'm 40, for your information.

The plan would finally go like that: Engineer and Pyro would ask Sniper to join them eat out somewhere and Medic would do the same with Spy, all of them separately but in the same place. Of course,they won't be going and they will leave the mercenaries alone. They know the Frenchman won't take long to try and seduce the bushman, they just needed space and time. The arrangement would be the evening that day. When Sniper entered the dining room in the morning, everyone exchanged looks.

- G'day. Did I miss somethin' last night? I heard everybody was up in the living room.  
- Nah, it's nothin' to worry about!- Engineer tried to clear up everything- Pyro got lost when he took out the trash and we had to go look for him.

- Ah, crikey.- he sat and chewed on a toast with Marmite spread on it. He had the feeling everybody was hiding something but the entrance of Spy in the dining room brought him back to real life.  
- Bonjour.- the Frenchman said to greet everyone and walked to the kitchen in order to serve himself some French toast and sit next to his Australian friend. The team exchanged looks again, but kept the silence.

The day went as always: rockets and bombs flying, übercharges, MEDIC! calls and other unimportant stuff. When the evening arrived, Engineer went to see Sniper with Pyro. The Australian was preparing himself to go out, since it was Friday and he always got out and drank until he was wasted, so he could spend all Saturday sleeping. The Texan knocked on the bedroom's door.

- Are you here, partner?  
- Yeah, what's wrong?  
- I have to thank you for helping Pyro earlier this week so... what does dining out sound to you?  
- Sounds about right.  
- I saw a new place in downtown called Benny's, shall we meet us there at 10 pm?  
- Okay mate.

Sniper looked uninterested but it's always good to do something different, plus Engineer is a nice good friend. Nothing could go wrong. Medic found Spy on the living room watching a soap opera, which was switched quickly to soccer in order to keep the French's dignity. The German arched an eyebrow.

- Are you crying, Herr Spy?  
- No, I'm not. I got dust in my eye.- Spy lied. His favorite character just died in a very tragic way in the said soap opera.  
- Oh, sehr gut. I vanted to ask you if you are free tonight.  
- Oui, mon cœur, I'm always free Friday night. Did the fat man just dump you?  
- Nein, he doesn't like going downtown. I vas zhinking if you vanted to go to a new dining place vizh me, it's called Benny's.

Well, nothing could go wrong. Speaking of food, Medic had also a liking for fine tastes, going to expensive restaurants whenever he could. Spy would be doing nothing tonight so... why not have a date with the friendly German?

- I'll be zhere at 10 pm. Be punctual.  
- I'm always punctual.

They all met at the showers, everybody expecting Engineer and Medic to tell how did it go. They explained that everything will go as planned and they are ready to stalk them. Engineer suggested that they should enter the restaurant in small groups and sit in different places in order to avoid suspicion. Soldier will be dressed as a mother with her baby, which is supposed to be Scout fitting in a stroller. Engineer and Medic will be wearing school uniforms and wigs and Heavy and Demoman will outside, since they can be easily recognized due to their appearance.

Spy was heading back to his room in order to prepare himself for that night and shower earlier than usual. He also found Sniper going out of his room without his vest, hat and glasses and stopped him.

- Guess who's dating the doctor tonight.  
- Medic and you? Really? What happens with Heavy?  
- He doesn't like downtown so I guess I'm stealing his sweetheart tonight.  
- I'm dining out with Engineer. Since he likes to party, I'm sure I'll be home late.


	7. Friday night

Spy had dressed up in a clean pinstriped brown suit and a red bow tie, which he saved for special occasions. He also slicked all his hair back but he decided to place back his balaclava, so he was still keeping all his mystery. Sniper left 10 minutes ago but Engineer called him to wait for him a few minutes since he had a small practical problem with Soldier trying to bathe a sentry. The Australian sighed and asked for their booked table, so at least he could wait sitting down and drinking something.

Meanwhile, Spy had bought a small bunch of flowers: if he wanted Medic to fall for him, he'll have to do it like a gentleman. He chose a few roses and violets and added a small poem on a note. "_Roses are RED,violets are BLU, where is the Spy, right behind you_" would be perfect. He thanked the day when Heavy grew a downtown aversion, so he could take the handsome German out somewhere without him getting in the middle. He got on his red Plymouth Valiant 1966 and put on an old cassette with jazz music, getting in the romantic mood and warm up. He arrived to Benny's on time and got in. To his surprise, he saw Sniper on there sitting on a table.

- Bushman?  
- Spook? Whot are ya doin' 'ere!?  
- I could ask the same to you, but I suppose that since it's a new place they both decided to stay here.  
- Engineer called to tell me he won't be 'ere on time. I was waitin' for him.  
- Medic is about to arrive I suppose. He hasn't booked a table, so I will stay here until he comes. Better than be alone...

Sniper couldn't say no. He didn't know why but Spy was more attractive than usual that night besides the reeking of expensive cologne and the fact that he wasn't alone. The fact that none of their dates appeared made them a bit upset, but they had eachother to spend the time with. "So since nobody is coming, let's start without them" suggested Spy, asking the menu cards to the waiter. Not far from them, a woman was "feeding" a "baby" with a baby bottle while talking on a pay phone.

- Grease monkey.  
- Yeah.  
- They're asking for the menu, the date has just started. I'm running out of pennies so let's communicate through the HPSL.  
- Alright then!

Scout managed to peek out of the stroller as they watched Engineer dressed as a schoolgirl hung up the phone next to theirs and sit on a table close to them with Medic. The German was managing to tug his skirt down and avoid looking at the couple when Engineer arrived. Soldier and Scout sat nearby as well and the young speedster said in a low tone:

- What the hell is HPSL? Some kind a futuristic device or somethin'?  
- No, it's the Helmet Party Sign Language. We invented it this afternoon just for this occasion.  
- I think I dun' want to know why is 't called 'Helmet Party'.

Meanwhile, Heavy and Demoman were waiting outside. It started to rain so they managed to stay inside the trip van. The Scot refused to shave to dress like a woman and Heavy was just too large to pass as a lady. They thought about going back home with Pyro but, while chatting, Heavy had the best thought.

- So leetle Sniper said was cold in house when Heavy turned on fresh air.  
- Did ya realize ya jus' gave me the best idea ever?  
- Explain to Heavy.  
- Ya ask the staff to turn the air freshener on an' Sniper be freezin' his arse an' Spy be lendin' him a jacket.

Heavy get out of the truck really happy and, trying to pass unnoticed, went to ask the staff to turn up the air freshener. Soon, the environment cooled down and Sniper noticed it. He crossed his arms while waiting for their dinner. "Damn" he thought "I could have brought a sweater". The Frenchman saw him and worried.

- Are you feeling alright? You are shivering quite a lot.  
- The air freshener... they turned it on and I'm freezin'- Spy took off his jacket and put it on Sniper's shoulders. It had all the French's warmth and scent and Sniper was more than okay with it, but he complained about the smell of really pricey perfume it had.  
- If you hate it that much, give me the jacket back.

Sniper shook his head and looked away, avoiding Spy's eyes. What was happening to him? His night out with Engineer turned out a dinner alone with the Frenchman. And he assumed that Medic dumped him as well, so what will he do with the flowers? Give them to Sniper, of course. He knew the bushman wasn't that romantic but that's how he seduces his future lovers. Back in the stalking region, Engineer communicated to Soldier via HPSL that the meetup started to look like a date. Soldier let out a victorious "today is a good day!" but Scout shut him in time: if they discover them now, it would be the worst thing that happens to them today. The food finally arrived for the couple and there was a long silence as they ate. The waiter returned to the table and asked politely to the Spy to remove his balaclava for safety reasons.

- Oh merde... I don't really want to show my face but...- he tugged at the cloth and slipped it off, showing his slightly tan where the balaclava didn't cover, the stubble and black hair, which was a bit longer than Sniper's, all slicked back. The Australian remembered that he saw him through the hole but he didn't remember he was that attractive. He felt the blood burning on his cheeks and several inches under them.  
- I...I must say I'm impressed...- Sniper's voice cracked, he cleared his throat and continued- I expected you to be uglier.

- I know you spied on me while I was getting ready for bed some time ago, so you've seen me before.  
- But it was dark and you weren't that close t'me.

- Do you like what you see?- asked the Spy with a cocky smile on his face and placing a leg between Sniper's under the table, which made him even more nervous.  
- You ain't that handsome... plus, I'm not into males.  
- Too bad, I would have been a perfect lover for you, Mundy.

Soldier was trying his best to see Spy's face under the balaclava but they were too far from them and Spy's back was facing them. Engineer tried to calm him down via HPSL and assured him everything was going on as planned: the Frenchman had released his French love powers. Medic went outside with Heavy and Demoman to inform them about the situation and also get rid of the disguise. It was still raining, which created a more romantic mood.

- Ya know my name but I don't know yours.  
- Why? Spies are always a mystery.  
- You said that the first time ya mentioned showin' yar real face. Now I'm seein' it.  
- Alright, but only if you give me your name as well. I don't like calling you by the surname. Come closer- the Sniper bent forward so Spy could tell him. The Frenchman whispered on his ear his real name.  
- ¿Claude?- Spy nodded- fine, I'm Lawrence. Lawrence Mundy, but never call me like that in public. Sounds like me father.  
- Promised- the Frenchman bent forward and continued whispering in French into Sniper's ear, much to his embarrassment. When they separated, Spy let a small peck on Sniper's lips, and the Australian blushed even more, backing off to his seat.  
- Well, that's gettin' embarrassin'.  
- You didn't see anything yet, mon coeur.

The stalkers were frozen. They didn't expect the date to be a huge success, even more, they didn't expect any affection at all. They decided that the best thing they could do now is leaving them alone: their job has been done. They started leaving back to the van and waited until the couple got out of the restaurant. Nothing more happened since the peck, they just chatted like normal friends until Spy noticed the flowers. He picked them up and gave it to the Australian.

- I bought them for the Medic but you deserve them more.  
- I don't like flowers.  
- Just take them.

Sniper took them and smelled them. The fragrance opened his nostrils and a bit of nostalgia came to him. His mother used to garden a lot when he was a kid. The Spy went to pay for the dinner and when they got out of the restaurant, it was still raining.

- Spoi, I don't have an umbrella.  
- No worries, mate. I'll pick you up there with my car.- the Frenchman ran to his car and drove it to the entrance, picking up Sniper- well, the moment has passed, back to the residence. How did it go?  
- I think it went better than expected.

Smooth jazz was playing inside the car and Spy looked at Sniper again and leaned to him for another kiss, but the Australian refused. "Our teammates are watchin'" he said.


	8. 180793

**Attention! Headcanon ahead!**

* * *

The sun beams entered the bedroom, birds chirping on the outside and muffle rumble of chairs and clanks of pots on the dining room. The Australian opened his eyes only to find himself in a foreign bedroom, sharing bed with someone else. At first, he didn't know what happened and then he remembered the date. He saw the Spy fully asleep by his side and checked if they were naked. Good for him, they weren't. Sniper looked around in the room: the walls were light blue, decorated with pictures of Paris in dark wooden frames. One of the pictures hat an adult lady holding two children by their hands and the Australian got up to take a closer look. The children were twins: both wearing a white shirt, shorts and suspenders and long socks, but one of them had short hair and the other one a bit longer. Sniper noticed the long-haired kid looked sad and wanted to ask Spy, but he didn't want to wake him up: he was better when he kept his mouth shut. Sniper was getting dressed when the Frenchman woke up. He got up and leaned against the bushman's back, but he pushed him away.

- Someone woke up in a bad mood today- the Frenchman said while rubbing his eyes.  
- Not in a mad mood, mate. I'd loike to know why am I in yar room.  
- You fell asleep in my car and I didn't want to get in your property without permission, so I tucked you in my bed. What are you looking at?  
- Did you take all these pictures- Spy nodded- even this one?- Sniper pointed at the twins picture and Spy examined it closer.  
- That one no. I'm afraid I can't tell you much more about that picture.

The Australian man was curious and he took the picture off the wall. The kids' faces seemed familiar, but he couldn't tell who these were. He insisted and Spy finally gave up and took the picture between his hands.

- These are François, my aunt and I when we were children.  
- François?  
- My twin brother, the RED Spy.

Sniper looked confused. When he first arrived to Mann Co., he was explained that he will fight a clone of himself created via respawn, how did the Spy manage to fight against his brother?

- I know it seems absurd, Mundy, but it's a long story I don't want to talk about.  
- I will tell no one.

Spy looked down and began his story.

_Our parents died during the WWII. A group of Nazi soldiers broke into our house and brutally murdered them, leaving François alone who managed to sneak out of the house and go to his aunt's. He spent several days on the streets, pickpocketing and doing small errands in order to get food as an exchange, since the aunt spent most of the day working and he soon became a skillful rogue._

One day, he was rushing back home. It was a rainy night and a butcher was chasing him because he stole a handful of ribs, sausages and other pieces of meat. The streets from Paris were foggy and the city was big, so he soon found himself lost. His feet hurt from the blisters and he leaned against a wall to rest. He saw a tall man walking towards him with a black coat and a matching hat and he told him to come with him. François has never been afraid of death and he knew all the risks he could take, but he followed the man anyway.

The child found himself in front of a gang and he was being questioned by their boss. He told them his skills and how good he was at sneaking in places. The crew decided to hire him and they had their ultimate plan complete again. They had on their hands one of the most skillful engineers in Paris who designed the most powerful cloning device, maybe a precursor of our respawn, and François was about to be their test subject. He was an orphan and in case everything failed, nobody would miss him.

The child was exposed to several malfunctions, injuries and illnesses until the device functioned properly. And then I was created and my name was 180793. In fact, they have marked me that number in the back of my neck in order to make differences. The gang knew I wouldn't live much longer because I am a test result, but they had the perfect job for me. I worked with François and helped him and our crew to take down our enemies.

My brother soon became homesick and struggled to see our aunt, but our boss had too many plans for us and no time to see our only alive relative. After a huge argument, we were allowed to see our aunt for only one hour. We picked her up on the Metro station and we had to explain to her why were they two Françoises. After crying and assimilating everything they had done to us, she adopted me as his nephew and François' twin. She also refused to call me 180793 and gave me the name of Claude, like our father, his little brother.

When we grew up we stopped working with the crew, but we were payed to do them some secondary jobs. We sent money to our aunt and assured her we were fine, but she has never seen us again. Then we saw that Mann Co. was looking for mercenaries and we decided to join. Since we were already cloned, our punchcard to the respawn is slightly modified: it allows several of us in a team, but recognizes eachother as clones instead of creating one itself like in your case. Nowadays we are still being payed by the gang to do their unwanted errands and we are still sending money to our aunt, but she has never heard from us again.

Sniper was astonished and unable to say a word. The Frenchman finished the story telling him that the day the picture was taken, it was the day they were able to see their aunt for one hour. The bushman bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. The story almost broke him into tears and he was debating between telling the Spy about it or stay there, looking at the floor and fiddling with his hands and feet. He finally spoke.

- Do ya still have the number?

Spy nodded and turned on his back, lifting his back hair and revealed a white ink tattoo which had the numbers 180793 in it. He also told the bushman that one of the reasons he left his hair grow was because he wanted to hide the number from everyone, but now it wasn't much of a problem because of the balaclava.

- But do not worry about it, Mundy. I don't seek attention nor empathy. I want you to forget about that.

Sniper couldn't hold anymore and hugged his friend, burying his face on his shoulder. Spy looked at him slightly surprised and patted his back. "There, there, you god damn pansy" he told him. The Australian glared at him and shoved Spy away.

- Stupid bloody spook.  
- I told you to not worry about it.

They got dressed and went downstairs: some teammates needed to be scolded.


	9. French kiss

Everybody shut up when the two assistance classes entered the dining room. They looked at eachother and went about to resume their breakfast when the Spy spoke up.

- We didn't do anything, for your information. Your plan has failed.  
- Real nice effort, Soldier- complained Scout, but Engineer shut him up.  
- We are all culprits here- he said- we tried to put together two teammates who don't really like eachother. We all apologize for that.

Sniper and Spy looked at eachother, forgave their teammates and the rest of the breakfast was like always. The rest of their teammates were preparing to spend the weekend with their families or maybe having fun somewhere: Scout will be visiting his mom in Boston, Engineer, Soldier and Pyro are going to spend their weekend at Engineer's house, Heavy and Medic are visiting USA together since they're from Europe. Sniper was about to spend his weekend on route with the camper van when Spy invited him over.

- I don't want t'be an issue, mate  
- Don't feel bad, I feel bored alone in my mansion sometimes.

Mansion? He knew the Spy looked snobbish but he didn't expect him to have properties or else. He actually thought he lived on a flat and he just liked to show off stuff he doesn't own. They were the last ones to leave the base and headed to downtown. Spy's mansion couldn't be visible from the outside: it had a huge fence with tall bushes which didn't allow anyone to see what was inside. Spy waited until the gate to the garden opened to left his car there and helped his friend to carry their bags. Sniper was amazed: the mansion had a huge garden with a labyrinth, a massive fountain and even a relaxing zone.

In the main hall, all the service people were waiting for them and offered to carry their bags. The Frenchman introduced them to Sniper and accompanied him to his room. It was huge with a single bed all full of cushions, a huge wardrobe, a minibar, television, all in yellowish and brownish colors. He dropped himself on the bed and he found it so comfortable and soft he would never leave it. It also had a light scent of roses. "Holy dooley… I'm not gettin' up never again" he whispered to himself. Spy entered the room, smiling:

- So I guess you like your bedroom. Would you like to see my home?  
- Maybe. Even if I won't go outside my room.  
- Who said you were going to stay here all day? Come on- the Frenchman offered him his hand to get him up. - Let's have a walk.

Spy showed his friend the huge garden and walked through the labyrinth. Since they didn't want to lose eachother in the walk, they went arm in arm. Sniper didn't really like being held like that; it was ridiculous and he didn't feel as free as always. He pushed the French and ran away from him, getting deeper in the labyrinth. Spy sort of worried; his friend didn't know the exit, but he remembered that he was a bushman and he'll find it soon. And as he said, there he was, getting out of the labyrinth through the bushes.

- And now we can see the wild bushman in his natural habitat!- laughed Spy, pointing out the fact that his friend was covered in little twigs and leaves.  
- Piss off ya bloody spook.  
- Don't get mad, it's just funny. Come on, let's bathe you.

The mansion soon became filled with "stop that", "don't use yar fancy soap" and "I want to get out of there" whines. Spy was grabbing Sniper by his shirt while filling a huge bathtub. They soon engaged in a huge argument about showers, expensive soaps, sissy bathing salts and a long etc. They ended both falling in the bathtub, still dressed and soaked wet.

- Do you have any idea of how much this suit costs?  
- I don't care, I jus' want t'go 'way from 'ere.  
- Look, I'll bathe with you if you just shut up – Spy got off the tub and removed his clothes and Sniper soon did the same.  
- Even though I don't understand why did ya insist on gettin' in the tub with me.

The Frenchman didn't answer and sat in the tub, leaning on it and wrapped his arms around the Australian, pulling him close. Sniper didn't mind anymore, since they slept together that last night. There was no need to push him away anymore. After all this time they spent together, he would be lying if he denied he sort of liked Spy. He rested his head on his shoulder and sighed.

- Spoi?  
- Oui?  
- I think I feel somethin' in my back.  
- It can be my "knife".

Sniper got up like a lightning strike and attempted to run away, but Spy grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to the embrace. He got close to Sniper's ear and placed a small kiss there. "That's because I love you" he whispered. The Australian was frozen and turned his head to him: did he just confessed?

- Oi... I think I might be lovin' ya too...  
- I knew it. That's why I invited you over this weekend, told you my backstory and let you sleep in my room.  
- I thought it was for pity- Spy frowned and made him turn and look at eachother's eyes.  
- Do I look I'm pitying you?

Mundy was feeling uncomfortable. He knew he might have hurt the Frenchman's feelings and tried to make up an apology, but he didn't know how. He turned, took Spy's face between his hands and pulled it close:

- I loike yar face. It's funny.

The Frenchman snickered at the apology and pulled him closer to kiss his lips, softly at first and then passionately. The bushman wrapped his arms around Spy's neck and got closer to him, lacing his tongue with his own. The French's hand moved down to touch him, but Sniper refused. He wasn't ready for that.

- Whot the bloody hell was that?  
- French kiss.  
- I know it ya mongrel, I mean...  
- Je t'aime, Mundy.

Sniper never liked when Spy spoke French to him. He always thought it was an annoying overloaded language which sounded like you have something in your mouth which doesn't let you speak properly. But somehow, he found it arousing this time. Spy got out of the tub, helped Sniper out and fetched a towel with which wrapped themselves.

The Frenchman had planned all the weekend: they are going to stay indoors for the afternoon and then have dinner somewhere. He also told the bushman to dress properly, but since he didn't have any suit, he'll have to borrow one of Spy's. The evening arrived and the service personnel decided to take care of Sniper's appearance. The butler decided to tie him up on a chair and two maids groomed him.

- Don't worry sheila, 'm okay loike that!  
- No sir, you need to shave those eyebrows a bit- said one of them with a razor.  
- Those sideburns need to be groomed as well- the other one picked up some scissors and styled the sideburns while the butler took care of his 3 o'clock shadow and hair. They added some perfume and deodorant as well and they finally brought him to the wardrobe.  
- This is embarrassin'. Get that thing outta me vision.- Sniper shoved away a white suit- that one looks like I'm goin' to a funeral- discarded a black one- maybe I'll wear that.

Spy was waiting downstairs and he entertained himself playing the piano while waiting for his guest. He owned that piano since he bought the mansion a few years ago but he never had the skill or time to play it. He played an improvised soft tune and he let himself go by the music. Then he was: the Australian was wearing a pinstripped suit, much similar to Spy's but a bit darker, his hair parted and slicked and he goth is glasses removed. The French stopped playing and he stayed there, admiring how handsome his friend looked.

- Can I take it off?  
- Non, chéri. Come on, I'll drive us there.

The restaurant was crowded despite his exaggeratedly high prices: Spy sure loved to show off. Everyone was suited up in cocktail clothing, laughing and complimenting eachother's clothes. Sniper wanted to die on the inside everytime someone approached his friend to salute him. They sat on a table close to the window, next to eachother and looking at the night city.

- What would you like, chéri?  
- Can ya decide fer me?

Spy told the waiter something in French that Sniper didn't understand and didn't want to. Why did he have to end up there? Why couldn't they have stayed at home making out on the sofa or watching a sissy movie? No, it had to be a posh restaurant. The Frenchman slowly placed his hand on the other's thigh and began caressing it.

- Whot are ya doin'?  
- Shh, I see you are a bit tense, why don't you try and relax a bit?  
- Stop touchin' me, ya wuss.

The hand slipped closer to Sniper's crotch and continued stroking him, making him feel aroused and bite his lip. It reminded him of the time the RED Spy molested him during a battle and that made him grab his friend from the wrist. The Frenchman looked at him with a cocky smile and let out a mocking"is there something wrong, chéri?", much to the Sniper's annoyance. He tried closing his legs or crossing them but there was no solution. The waiter with the dinner saved him.

- Bon appetit, gentlemen.

He could feel the Spy's iced gaze on him during the dinner; his hand too, but he was eating with both of them on the table. The sighting of the Frenchman licking his lips after dinner, turned him on even more and pulled him to another kiss. Their hands stroke eachother's erections under the table and they decided they weren't going to eat dessert. Spy payed and snuck out through an emergency exit door which lead to a rooftop. He asked Sniper to follow him and lean on the border and see the city lights at night.

- Aren't they beautiful, bushman?  
- Yeah, maybe.  
- Guess what's also beautiful? Your eyes.  
- Me eyes are crap and you know it. Stop complimentin' me.

The Frenchman embraced him from behind and pressed his crotch against him. He could feel he was really hard and needy, but he didn't oppose. After all, he wanted it anyways. He let Spy to kiss him again and this time he moved his kisses to the neck, also biting and sucking on it a bit. The Australian let a soft sigh into the other's ear and embraced his neck again. He couldn't believe that was happening.

Spy let him go after the kisses and made him face the city again. He whispered in French into Sniper's ear as he started fiddling with his pants. Sniper tried to shoo him and do it himself, but he wasn't allowed to. "Just look at the lights" he was told. When the Frenchman finished undoing the Australian's pants, he began to unzip his ones. He soon had his manliness free and rubbed it to the other's buttocks.

- I hope this doesn't hurt, right?  
- I will assure you it doesn't.- Spy took out a condom from his wallet- this works when there isn't any lube.  
- Why d'ya bring this thing with ya?  
- Because of occasions like this,mon chéri.

Sniper bit his lip when Spy began to prepare him for the intercourse. He didn't feel comfortable with someone fiddling with him like that, but somewhat he was sure would love it. He grabbed the edges and stared at the city until Spy was done.

- I am ready. Are you?  
- Yeah.

Sniper inhaled as the Frenchman got inside of him. He was so gentle it didn't even hurt. He assured him with loving words and kisses which made the pain lessen and he began to stroke him as he made his firsts thrusts. The Australian stared down to the city but he couldn't concentrate. In his mind, there was only the Frenchman. The mysterious man who hid himself under a balaclava. That man. Spy kissed his shoulder and let small sighs into his ear, thrusting even faster and starting to masturbate him as well.

The breeze caressed his sweated face as he panted hardly. Spy leaned against his back and got out of him, still whispering sweet things to him such as he loved him and he'll never let him go. The Australian turned to face him and kissed him again once more.

- I will always stay by your side, Lawrence.  
- I will too, Claude…- Sniper realized that the rooftop was lower than the other ones- Oi! They cou'd have seen us!  
- I don't care. Come on, let's go back home.

The Australian's bed was soft and comfortable, but sharing it with that man made everything.


	10. Mon Coeur

Months passed, even years. Both teams fought against eachother until one day, Miss Pauling had to make a reunion: Redmond and Blutarch Mann had died. But there is more, a missing brother appeared: Gray Mann. This lost brother had a life extending machine and a horde of robots that needed to be fought.

- Are we gettin' paid for this? - asked Sniper. The answer was negative. Perfect, now they are going to fight a huge horde of robots for free. The best thing is that the robots run on money and they were allowed to keep it to upgrade their weapons.

On midday, there was a huge argument about the new places to fight and their new fate. They spread a map across the table and marked the locations where the robots were about to attack. Scout was cowering in a corner while Pyro tried to pat him to calm him down.

- Don't touch me, mumbles!  
- Is leetle Scout afraid of tiny robots?- laughed Heavy, Scout huffed.  
- I'm not afraid, I'm cold  
- Son, we're all afraid of somethin' 'ere- Engineer assured him, patting his shoulder. Then he went back to the map- Alright, here we have the map. We're only 9, they're more than one hundred so... giddyup, boys!

We were driven to the landmarks where we expected to face the hordes. They weren't scared, but uneasy. They weren't fighting men, they were fighting machines this time. Sniper glanced at Spy, who was smoking in silence. He seemed the same as always, but he knew that he was as worried as the rest. The bushman placed a hand over his mate's and stroke it until they arrived to the place. It was a small town in the middle of the desert called Decoy. Soldier got out first and showed the rest of the team his contract.

- I have tricked the robots to think this place is the Mann Co headquarters!- he said, showing off all proud and American.  
- This sucks on ice- Scout cut him off  
- Bloody brilliant!- Demoman pushed the Bostonian away.  
- Everybody ready?

Engineer had packed out his stuff and he already build his nest on the top of a building; Heavy and Medic were ready for an Übercharge as well and the rest of the team didn't even upgrade a weapon. Back in the frontlines, Engineer glanced at the modifications Soldier did to the buildings.

- That's just sad. He seriously misspelled "weapons" and "maggots".  
- Soldier is stoopid  
- Schweinhunds...  
- Yo, incomin'!- shouted Scout as he arrived.

The rest of the team was there and the first wave arrived. Everything was going well until Pyro died. They were told to pay the respawn system to get back instantly but the firebug noticed something: he had enough money to respawn, but he couldn't. It even took longer to respawn. When the wave was completed, Pyro rushed to tell Engineer about it, since he was the only one who could understand his speech.

- Boys, Pyro said the respawn doesn't work quite well so try to stay alive the most as possible. Medic, ya know what to do.  
- Ja. But you should go for zhe Übercharge canteen, since I brought my Kritzkrieg.

The Medic managed to keep them alive the whole mission until they were done in the end of the day. Since they were quite far from their home, they had to sleep there. Engineer with Pyro's help set up a few mattresses but there weren't enough of them, so they decided they should sleep in pairs. Heavy and Medic were going together, Soldier shared bed with Scout, who didn't want to sleep alone, and Demoman, who just passed out from celebrating the victory; Sniper and Spy got used to sleep together since they were in a relationship. Engineer would stay up, trying to fix the respawn and Pyro would stay by his side, since he didn't want to be alone. Medic asked the Texan if he will be good or needed his help, but the other one refused.

- I'll be alright. I can solve it.

In the middle of the night, Sniper woke up, grabbed a jar and walked out. Spy slowly opened his eyes when the Australian broke the cuddle and stood up, but he left him time to finish before joining him. He slept with the balaclava, pants and shirt on: spies have to keep their mysteries. He wrapped his arms around the bushman from behind and rested his head on his shoulder.

- We haven't talked in all day, mon chéri.  
- I had to focus on not dyin'. Same t'ya.  
- I trust the laborer, he can fix everything.- Spy took out a cigarette and offered another one to Sniper- and if not, promise not to die.  
- Promis'd, and the same t'ya.  
- Why are you worrying about me? I am a Spy, I know perfectly what to do.  
- And I'm a professional, but I care for ya.

They sat on a fence, watching the night as they smoked and held hands. They preferred not to show affection for eachother in front of the rest of the team. Spy told him he could finally phone his aunt on a pay phone. She burst into tears when she knew here nephews were still alive, but the Frenchman had to tell her that not for too long. There were facing a horde of robots and a respawn malfunction. Sniper felt bad for both her and him and patter Spy's shoulder. They could listen to Engineer working and talking to Pyro, and the firebug responding in an intelligible language. The Texan told Sniper that he was the only one Pyro trusted enough to reveal him his face.

- He sure is a freak.  
- We don't know, Spoi, we don't know.  
- What do we know is that the laborer will fix the respawn.

But Engineer couldn't fix it. The following days, the respawn went from worse to worst to the point that if they got killed, they're dead forever. Helen wanted them to fight anyways, respawn or not, they needed to stop the horde. Before the last mission, everyone equipped on their health increasing loadouts, as well as three Übercharge canteens. Scout brought the Mad Milk, Soldier the Black Box, Pyro the Phlog (even if he was told he won't be able to put his teammates out), Heavy the Sandvich, Demoman changed to Demoknight with the Booties but still wielding the Sticky Launcher, Engineer will remain next to his dispenser and Sniper packed up the Cozy Camper. Spy decided to bring the Dead Ringer with him.

That last location was huge and, since the robots didn't fell for Soldier's trick, they moved to attack the Mann Co. headquarters. This time they even had Engineer bots with them. They were waiting for the first Scout bots to appear, all ready to face their worst nightmare. Everything went normal until the big robots came in. Engineer was struggling to keep alive both sentry and dispenser, as most of the teammates ran to heal there when Medic was busy. The German was exhausted: his sore bones were about to collapse while trying to keep Heavy alive. He knew that he wouldn't live much longer. Heavy saw him and tried to toss him a sandvich, but Medic didn't let him.

- Stay in zhe frontlines, you dummkopf...!  
- But Doktor is about to be dead! Not good!  
- I'll find a medical kit. Keep it up!

The German made his last effort to reach the kit, but Scout took it in the last moment. His vision became blurry and he felt weak, very weak. He waited until another kit appeared but the wait was eternal. Heavy promised himself to survive and protect his doctor no matter what happened to him. He saw Medic near to death and was about to go and give him another sandvich, but he couldn't leave his position. The robots seemed endless. He saw a Scout bot running and wielding his bat. The Russian had a bad feeling and he was right: he was heading for the doctor. He spun his Minigun to kill the bot but when he did it, it was too late. The German was bludgeoned to death.

Sniper saw it all from his position, but he had to concentrate on shooting the enemies with his rifle. He glanced where the Spy was, cloaked and sapping robots. He was doing well, in fact, running to the dispenser whenever he could was a great idea. He felt sorry for Medic and took off his hat for respect. He remembered the first time he joined Mann Co, when he had that doctor aversion. With the time, he learned that Medic isn't like the other doctors. He was a sadist with a liking for dismembering his teammates for fun. And after apologizing for the incident when they first met, they became sort of friends. Rest in peace, Herr Doktor.

The first wave left them almost without energy. Without the doctor, they needed to be more careful. Heavy felt like his whole world went down. He couldn't stop hugging the lifeless German and insisted on making him a proper funeral. Before the next wave, they put the body over a pile of wood and Pyro ignited it, causing a huge fire. They perfectly knew that this time, everything was serious. They went back to their positions, enraged and weapons upgraded.

Sniper went to see Spy. He was badly injured and the Australian insisted on taking care of them. He clumsily bandaged his mate, put band-aids everywhere and instead of sewing the open wounds, he added a few straps. The Frenchman flinched, but he thanked the attention by kissing his forehead. Everyone back to the front and ready for their next wave. They continued doing well until the last wave. Soldier gathered them the night before. He was more serious than usual and he took off his helmet, trying to look as calm as possible even if he wasn't.

- Gentlemen, tomorrow will be the day we finally kick those metallic asses back to the waste dump. Maybe it will be the last time we see eachother again. You were good teammates, real good. Maybe even a whole bunch of faggot maggots!  
- We love ya too, soldier-boy- said Engineer with a sad tone in his voice and bringing an arm to the front- we can do it, we are a team.  
- Let's do it!- Demoman placed his hand over Engineer's, suddenly Pyro and Soldier joined.  
- Hudda!  
- Now that's what I want to see!  
- We make good team!- Heavy joined too.  
- Aww fellas!- and Scout  
- Let's have a go at it!  
- Gentlemen? After you.

They decided to forget the sadness and celebrate their victories with everything was left in the provisions. Engineer recommended not to get too drunk for tomorrow, but Demoman didn't even listen. The songs lasted at midnight, when everybody got ready for bed. Heavy couldn't sleep at all without Medic by his side. Spy preferred to go out and smoke and Sniper soon joined him.

- I kinda feel bad for Heavy- said the Australian, sitting on the fence and taking out a cig from Spy's disguise kit.  
- I must be hard to lose your partner like that. I'd feel the same.  
- Ya wou'd?  
- Of course I would. I promised I'll stay by your side until the end.  
- Thanks mate.

Spy lean to him and kissed his lips, softly at the beginning and passionately afterwards. They stayed out a little more just to have a small private moment that will probably be the last one. But Spy knew what he was doing, he would be safe. But there's plenty of time to think about that, now he just had to let himself go and enjoy. They didn't care if they could have been seen, they didn't care of anything else, just the two of them. The next morning, they quickly prepared for the last wave. Sniper was upgrading his rifle and jarate when Spy walked by him and slapped his rear. The Australian looked at him.

- Bonne chance, mon coeur.  
- G'luck t'ya, mate.

They were here. Soldier looked at his teammates from the frontlines and pulled his helmet up a bit. Heavy stared back at him, nodding in approval; Scout and Pyro ran next to Soldier, Engineer had his nest already built, Spy had his sapped and Dead Ringer on hand and Sniper scoped where the bots are supposed to enter. As the gate from the mine opened and the bots ran in, Soldier shouted, soon followed by his teammates:

- For Medic!

The first Scouts were killed and soon the mine was filled with Soldiers and Pyros. Thanks to all the teamwork, they were all defeated. The tanks were kind of a problem: without Medic's Kritzkrieg and the critic canteens they were quite hard to destroy. Engineer found himself running away from a Sentry Buster who kept following him and stopped to face it.

- You and me, hoss.

The Buster detonated itself and exploded; Engineer walked out of the explosion with his sentry saved. The tank was done now, but the worst had yet to come. Soon, huge heavy steps could be heard. It was a Giant Soldier bot with three Über Medic escorts and crockets. Sniper stopped scoping and reached his Cozy Camper, picking up a jarate and throwing it to the giant bot to make it slow down. The Australian made a sign of approval with the head to the Spy, who disguised as a Medic and managed to sap the giant bot and his escorts. He backstabbed the Medics but he couldn't finish the big one, which shot a crocket directly to him.

Sniper saw the fake corpse of the Spy flying across the mine and smiled. He always knew he was full of tricks. He scoped again and finished the giant bot with a neat headshot. There was a short pause which allowed Scout to finish picking up the money. But the pause didn't last any longer: a Giant Deflector Heavy entered, escorted by three more Über Medics. Spy, who had fully functioning sapper and Dead Ringer, ran disguised as one of the Medics to the huge bot and made an attempt to sap the escorts, but it was too late. They deployed an Übercharge to the giant, which was entertained destroying Engineer's buildings and badly injuring the Texan.

Sniper wanted to cover himself but he couldn't escape in time. A few bullets pierced his shoulder and he fell down the rock he was on. Grabbing the blood-soaked clothes, he looked where the Spy was supposed to be. There was one of the corpses the Dead Ringer created and he sighed in relief. But peace didn't last any longer; Spy had sapped the Giant Heavy and was attempting to backstab him. It didn't work. With the Dead Ringer half charged, the Frenchman could perfectly see how the Deflector metal Russian faced him and shot him, only to be destroyed a few seconds later by their Heavy.

- And that's for killing my Doktor!

The Australian ran to the Spy, who was lying in a puddle of blood. His eyes were open like plates at the sighting. He took the Frenchman in arms and shook him a bit, whispering to him and asking if he was alright. The icy blue eyes of both men met for the last time. Spy tried to smile but the forces were leaving him.

- Spoi, oi!- Sniper shook him again- Help! Need some help here!- but nobody really had the time to deal with it. It was the last wave and they were having a hard time trying to defend the bomb from being picked up. Spy's face went serious again and the Australian's heart accelerated.  
- Je t'aime… mon coeur…

And the icy blue eyes disappeared. Sniper was trying to hold back the tears as he cradled his deceased friend. That man who had peeked on him through a hole in a wall. That man who made one of the best nights in his life. That man who stayed with him until the end. Now he was gone. The Australian's clothes were red; he didn't know if it was his blood or Spy's.

He remembered the first time they met in the showers and he stole his towel. Now there will be no one to do it. The moments together smoking cigarettes in the middle of the night were gone too. The morning cuddle disappeared forever. Sniper pulled the body closer and screamed. Not of sadness, but of anger. He was about to get up and face the robots again when something stopped next to them. It was a robotic Pyro who stared at them with curiosity and also pointing at them with its flamethrower. Sniper's eyes widened again.

Engineer was lying down, deadly injured, when he saw the enormous flames. He knew he couldn't make it to get there, but at least managed to get up and at least, die by his sentry. When the huge flames stopped, he said with a weak thread of voice:

- Sniper's a goner.

* * *

And the story comes to the end. Thanks for reading it, it was my first completed story in English (I'm not native so I apologise for any mistakes)


End file.
